Defeat...

“Thank you for reading this. I have something on my mind that I would like to share.

“First off… I would like to apologize for a few wrong notions that I was suffering from. Two years ago, when I was a freshman in the college, I had thought that it was us students who wanted to do more than what was prescribed in our curriculum… and our professor’s stringent adherence to the syllabus, restricted us. I had thought that like me… my fellow students wanted to take part in things they liked… whatever it might be. I was wrong.

“A year back… after the first failed attempt to start something new in the college I was doomed to be a part of… I reevaluated my stance. I realized that several of our teachers were keen on seeing their students excel. I felt that with their encouragement and the student’s participation… my college would at least begin its journey down the road that leads to more than success… to glory. It didn’t matter if I would be there to see it. The fact that it would happen was enough of an incentive for me. I was wrong again.

“Here… now in my third year. I feel myself compelled to change my views again. I hope I have gotten it right this time. My college… has a very few people who’ll do anything that isn’t made mandatory. In the eyes of my college mates, ‘willing participation’ is something that happens to other people, and is a reason to laugh at them. To the people I share my college with, juniors and seniors alike… being interested in anything apart from their own tastes (the basest desires and search for a job) is being a snob.

“In my college… there are people (very few) who aspire for more… and there are teachers (ironically just as many as the interested students) who encourage this. And I sincerely thank you all for not letting me feel all alone in a sad world.

“It’s all the rest of you that this is addressed to… the ones who will never glance through this. I thank you too… whole heartedly. I thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson in life. You’ve just taught me… never to have expectations.

“It was beyond foolish of me… to ever think that you’d want to do more. It was stupid… utterly stupid of me to assume that everyone wants to make more out of themselves. It was wrong for me to not realize that you had life all figured out. I was the idiot (still am) who has the wrong perspective about things… not you.

“You are going to study as much as you need… and get jobs. I probably won’t… so I can come up with no reasons why you should even pay attention to a man who will be jobless and starving in two years time. See… I have so much that I can never account for. But this I felt I had to say someday.

“You… study in a ‘C’ grade college in the rural outskirts of the city. Your names and institutions are unknown to anyone beyond your own acquaintances. You will get the same job as the people around you… and work together till you grow old and face the average problems of a middle class lifestyle.

“You are mediocre! Your schools, your college, your pasts, your presents, your prospective jobs and your future lives… are all mediocre! You will live in darkness and die in the shadows with nothing more than anonymity to adore your lost cradles and nameless graves! And that’s not the worst of it.

“In spite of your formless lives… and your mundane outlooks... you still dream.

“How dare you dream for more? How dare you close your eyes and fantasize about grandeur and affluence when throughout your miserable days you are content to sit and crib amongst yourselves… your only recreation in badmouthing your betters! You don’t deserve to dream of anything apart from how your todays and tomorrows will be no different. All those visions you flatter yourself with… aren’t meant for you. They are for those who take the leap of faith. They are for those who aspire… and perform.

“You are all machine made goods… rolled off the same assembly line. Identical and alike in all respects… none of you stand out. I would rather be the deformed, defective and blemished piece… so that I get thrown out of the line… and find my own way.

“Just because I stay in this same factory as you… doesn’t stop me from making more out of the time I’ve been allotted. And I am not the only one. It’s too bad that I thought that people with my mindset would have the majority… or at least a respectable section of the whole.

“I wanted to drag all those of you who could still be saved from the wreckage of your ambitions… out of the foaming sea of being average. I failed miserably.

“I have learned my lesson through nothing more than disappointments… thank goodness. I can still back away… I can still get out. I can take care of myself… I can protect and nurture the gifts that I possess. I can venture along all avenues that take my interest. It’s just strange that to nearly all of you… this is inconceivable.

“From your backgrounds and upbringings… I could understand why you feel this way. For all of you… it has been stressed heavily, that you must get a job. Hence this is how you’ve turned out. Dead and lifeless husks… the empty container that should have contained man’s indomitable spirit.

“It is strange how after five minutes in your presence and influence… even the ones who were different change into copies of you. They become scared and unsure… nervous and frightened to consider breaking out of the mass… just like you.

“Congratulations. Your way is obviously a far more attractive prospect than my fallacies.

“From now on… I’ll be content to walk my path alone. Wherever it might lead… be it into the darkest pit of hell from where return is impossible… or some exalted height that I dare not hope to ever ascend… I shall follow. No matter what happens… I will never make the mistake of coaxing you to take after me. You are right and I am wrong… I admit defeat to you and your ideals. Lead your life… indiscernible from a million others while being eaten alive by your everyday cares. My path takes me far from you… takes me away from you and your peers… and all those who disgust me.”