Career Choice...

Ah, the importance of choosing a worthwhile career… a sermon that has been drilled into my synapses ever since my twelfth birthday I reckon. Parents, caring (nosey) relatives, teachers (ok… they at least might have started on the theme a little later)… virtually anyone having any kind of conversation with a teenager always circles back to this topic. And typically, they start with… “So, what do you want to do when you grow up?”

For all of us who haven’t yet mustered up enough frustration to say, “What’s it to you old-timer?” this rings the bell for a few awkward minutes of introspective nodding along. It’s almost funny how our prospective careers change with every new bit of advice we receive… always from people with experience and our best interest on their side.

Being a cynical bastard… I at least have begun to wonder, just how many more career oriented lectures I need to sit through before becoming an expert on the subject, myself?

I bet that I’ve just about heard it all. Starting from a software engineer (rather realistic) to a self employed adventure travel writer (a farfetched suggestion incorporating my hobbies of writing, travelling and hatred for jobs… yeah I wish life handed us careers on silvers platters)... each suggestion weirder than the last.

But, I swear… that no matter what suggestion you usually hear, or from whomever you might hear it… the world is coming to a much deserved end when the scariest professor in college replies to your ‘Good Morning’ with the counter of, ‘What are you planning to do after you’re through with college?’

So… ever since that unpleasant and surprising encounter… I’ve officially had enough. I decided to sit down with a pen and paper… (or a keyboards, computer and internet connection... whichever is more easily accessible)and as clear a mind as I can have, and figure out, what it is that I want to do with my life.

I know all the factors that should affect a man’s life decisions. I know how to play to my strengths and the joy in doing something I like. I can identify the things that would make me happy and I can set myself realistic and achievable dreams. But above all, I know what the goals that I may strive for are and I have an idea how I might fare while trying to fulfill my ambitions.

In short (if you skipped the rather poetic previous paragraph…) I kind of think I can choose a career for myself now. Savvy?

I managed to find a whole bunch of careers that might be good for me… but due to lack of time and space on a blog post (before the reader refuses to read it on account of its length), I will be listing the five top ones here… my best bets at having a career.

5. Being a Gigolo – Oh c’mon! I cannot be the only guy who has felt a grudging and fascinated admiration for that noblest of all professions! Think about it… you would actually be getting paid… to have a good time. It’d be almost impossible to come up with something that you’d be more interested in doing… so not enjoying your ‘job’ is out of the question. Getting ‘clients’ shouldn’t be much of a problem either… I doubt that this profession at least has exceeded its demands. Earning your living by doing what you like best… you can’t get enough of a life like that.

4. Night watchman at a library – It might come across to you as weird… but for a bookworm like me, it’d be heaven. No involvements with the ferrety geeks that hunt for reference books… or the silence craving freaks that run the place. Imagine strolling down a dark and desolate aisle, your footsteps loud and ominous… echoing into the shadows. A scene right out of the best thriller films… could become your daily routine. And add to that the complete freedom, to feast yourself on books galore. Everything you ever wanted to read… available to you for free. Old books with their musty smell… yours to hold and savor through the night. Money would be irrelevant… because I know my biggest expenditure would anyway have been on books. A perfect job….

3. Chocolate Tester at Cadbury – A dream job for any man, woman or eunuch with at least one proficient taste bud. If you have one request to make of fate… make it this one. To be paid to judge the caramelized delights created by the wizards of cocoa. Apart from the major job risk of becoming a target for any obese kids (and most normal ones) on account of you being the world’s luckiest jerk… no other downside at all.

2. Criminal Mastermind – Something like a Dr. Moriarty from Sherlock Holmes… or better still Megamind from… well… ‘Megamind’. To be not just a villain, but a super villain… to be able to do whatever it is you want to do (rob candy stores and such… well, all villains can do that but let’s try and rise above the average, shall we?) with the impunity that is derived from being so far above the law… that it’d take ages for your spit to fall on it. To be able to squash the pettier thugs as they chase a gorgeous damsel… and become her personal hero. (See… if you had been a good guy, you would have had to say farewell. But not having any moral scruples, you will be free to fully appreciate her gratitude, the way it was meant to be.)

1. Erotic Story Writer – And to me… that is the ultimate profession. It combines two of my favorite things in the world… writing and guess the other one. Material would not be lacking due to my highly imaginative (hyperactive) mind… enthusiasm would never drain even at the end of a long day (especially at the end of a long day)… and for sheer entertainment value or ‘fulfillment’ provided by job (job ‘satisfaction’ quite literally)… nothing else would come close. Perhaps it’s high time I start writing posts more suitable for some other sites… ‘Expanding’ my horizons as it were….

Well... that just about sums it up I guess.

Feedback appreciated as always… and I would be more than interested about what career moves you think would best suit you (almost akin to comparing notes) as long as you are being as sarcastic as me of course.

Any comments declaring me insane/uncouth will not be deleted (they would be right, even according to my own analysis too…) so feel free to give it all you got.