Reflections...

I wander back to those old wounds,

Though years have drifted by,

I visit the graves of past follies

And here the echoes of my sigh.

Sunlit fields and sparkling dew,

That I spurned so long ago,

Haunt my listless thoughts today

And infect the scabs of my woe

Nothing on earth, could ever be ideal

But, those days of ages past,

Were as close to bliss as I have ever been

I had nearly all I could have asked.

Every now and then my resolve fails

As my mind plays tricks on me,

Flaunting the joys and hiding the pangs

Of a time when I had not been free

At transition time, my heart was set,

And free from all vestige of doubt,

I had been sure, that I was in the right,

To survive, I had to break out.

Sudden perhaps, and harsh as well,

The decision and execution were

And for a while I doubted myself,

What life did I actually prefer?

Now that years have passed me by,

No longer do I feel the same

I know that I walk the correct path,

And my choice won’t bring me fame

Occasionally, as I sift idly through

The accumulated memories of old,

I always spot the one pang of regret,

That renders my passion cold.

My heart is filled with best wishes

For every party of that old pact

In spite of the doubt they fill me with,

And confusion I can’t subtract.

And hour or two of melancholy thoughts

The gift of every relapse I taste,

I write to lessen the burden of doubt

While my composure it lays to waste.