Drunk...

One night was pretty much like another for us….

We hit a disco, drank… a lot… we danced… and we found ourselves magically transported back to our beds the following morning… utterly clueless as to how we had spent the previous night.

Of course occasionally some of us woke up in some unknown stranger’s apartments… and got kicked out when our gracious host realized that her guest had no clue as to what her name was….

Also sometimes we found strangers sharing our roof… prompting us to remember urgent appointments elsewhere and usher our guest out and bolt….

Overall, it was pretty straightforward and boring….

This is about a night when something different happened.

The evening started like any other….

By twelve I found myself on the dance floor swinging a bottle of white rum in one hand and some drunk female in the other…. Across the room my pals were all busy, either trying to construct a horrible hangover or attempting to get slapped by some dame’s pretty hand….

I heard a yelp from somewhere near my elbow and realized I had enthusiastically swung my partner into some other raucous dancer… I grinned happily and went to get a refill.

I reached the bar, placed my order… and settled down to wait.

Now... I don’t know if you know this about me, but alcohol affects me in really weird ways sometimes.

For example, I once got drunk hugged every bum I met on the street on my way home… er… some kind of promotion of brotherly love I like to think….

Another time someone bet me I couldn’t do a headstand in the middle of the packed dance floor for at least a minute... not being in my senses, I suffered numerous bumps and bruises, before actually winning the bet… (Hah!).

Tonight I seized a napkin off the bar, and started to write….

My drink came to me, but such was the focus of my inebriated mind on the task I was performing, that it went unheeded… a first for me.

I wrote at break-pen speed, finishing one napkin and seizing another. Such was my mad enthusiasm, by this time a few of the soberer people of the room were starting to take notice.

My best friend got slapped… and another of my group passed out and rolled under the table, but even having been faintly aware of these occurrences due to some heightened sense of awareness… my writing held me in my place… like… like superglue holding down an unwary fly….

Finally, after finishing three and a half napkins with my meticulous work… I dotted the last full stop.

I hadn’t been aware I was holding my breath… but now I let it all out in a low whistle….

My eyes passed over what I had composed… a poem… and I felt amazed that I myself was capable of such a piece.

I felt a sudden need to share my creation with… someone… anyone.

I glanced around to spot my two companions of the night… and found one’s legs sticking out from under a stool in the corner. The other was nowhere to be found… presumably he had taken off with his reddened cheek….

Saddened that I couldn’t have anyone to share my masterpiece I took up the long ignored drink and drained it in a single gulp.

Of course, it immediately told me what I needed to do… I had never been let me down by alcohol when matters of innovative ideas were concerned….

I stood up… and without hesitating for a single moment climbed up onto the bar, bellowing for attention.

Gradually the noise died down. People turned to me out of curiosity… a desire to see the antics of a wasted fool….

I smiled happily and began to read in a steady baritone… and stopped.

I had accidentally picked up the drinks menu instead of my napkins…..

I stooped and scooped up the right material and got ready to resume.

I yelled for silence again to quiet the sniggering multitude.

I resumed reading.

I swayed as I read… whether from strength of feeling or from the drinks I had consumed I have no idea….

I do not know how long it took me to read… I do not know how my audiences were reacting to my elocution… I just remember swaying on that bar… focused on my napkins….

I finished… and was greeted with utter silence… a ring had formed on the floor in a loose half circle with me at the centre… and most of the bar was sitting in it and gazing at me with their jaws slack….

Uncaring about the less than lukewarm reception of my work, I took a flourishing bow (c’mon I was drunk!), and jumped off the stage… um… bar….

And then the cheering began.

I had somehow stirred up the emotions of a gang of thoroughly drunk and utterly senseless alcoholics… and now they were all patting my back and buying me drinks.

I was soon lost amidst waves of compliments and applause.

I don’t remember anything after that….

I returned to the bar as soon as I could the next morning to hunt down my epic… I didn’t remember a word of it, or even what it was about. The remnant of the previous night’s mob was there too… and while they remembered me quite clearly, they were as clueless as I was as to how I had moved them to such an extent.

Predictably, I never found the piece… the piece scribbled on the pieces of napkins containing the world’s most effective crowd control measure….

I really wish I had not lost them… but I am not without hope yet…. Who knows perhaps I could actually make a repeat performance at some point in the future, and create something just as fabulous….

Hey… I think I just got myself a whole new reason for drinking….