College...

It is a certainty for all teenagers to meet with disappointment at some point of their lives. A very valuable lesson indeed… in order to ingrain some kind of values, experience and wisdom… or something to that effect I am sure….

One major such revelation to them, is ‘The Beginning of College Life’.

They have all been told that they ‘need to make the most of their precious school days’, and that ‘college life was still to come and all the fun would be had there….’

For as far back as school goers can remember they have heard the same thing repeated over and over again. An excellent modern metaphor for a ‘carrot being dangled in front of a donkey’ type situation….

When they do cross the threshold of their beloved schools and enter the sunlit plains of the college grounds… they never fail to be utterly surprised at how different things are from what they had been led to believe.

College turns out to be the continuation of the suffering they savored in school, contrary to having been told it would be their rescue… for so long….

Classes still require to be attended, the faculty are scarier than before, the workload… at least in engineering colleges… is bigger than ever and of course there is the new added threat of ‘seniors’ to be accounted for. School almost seems tamer by comparison….

However having passed through all these feelings, and having emerged out on the glades of glorious freedom that college life has the potential to achieve, I feel obliged to pass on my knowledge to any who might be benefited by it.

So… here are a few simple pointers, of what to do in college to enjoy it… applicable to all freshers, and many seniors as well….

1.       Make at least half a dozen steady friends. Here, friends are people you bunk your classes with to catch the latest movie… and people who would all stand up in order to extricate you from all the minor messes you shall invariably find yourself in… part of college life I am afraid….

2.       Do not ever carry more than a single exercise copy in your college bag… and try to make even that last a few semesters. A lighter bag is one of the few positive changes your transition has accorded you with… so let yourself go.

3.       Be suave with every decent looking girl in and around your college, irrespective of how many ‘boyfriends’ they may have, trust me it pays off in the ‘not so long’ run….

4.       Get involved with activities beyond the scope of your classes… like join a band, take up a sport, practice some form of activity that separates you from the rest…. How else are you going to spend the copious amount of free time you have?

5.       Make it a point to get drunk at a friend’s house, at least once a week. The time frame may be shortened in the case of excess money… or lengthened in case of its shortage….

6.       Never attend all the lectures in a single day… it over strains your hyperactive brain and is just a waste of time. Merely ask a member of your previously mentioned ‘group’ of friends to give your attendance in your stead… ‘Proxy’, being the technical word for this arrangement….

7.       Not being diligent with classes does not mean you cannot be on good terms with your teachers. Try to be on friendly grounds with them always… they send your internal assessment marks…. Besides, unless they happen to be absolutely insufferable… it helps in your senior year when projects and similar monstrosities begin to happen.

8.       Every college has got at least one hot professor. Be on absolutely great terms with her. It shall amaze you how far a smile of hers can go in order to achieve a desired end… in addition to being easy on the eyes….

9.       When interacting… or being made to interact… with seniors, be cool... be yourself. They were just like you (probably) so the odds are in your favor that they’ll like you. Just make sure you don’t act too cocky, outsmart them, dress better than them or simply are in some way more debonair than they are… that would probably be tough to deal with….

10.   Prior to exams, never stop your life’s unhurried flow, and arrange hasty rendezvous with your texts… trust in your friends in the hall, and your notes in the bathroom and all will be well….

Lastly…

11.   After the results are declared… and assuming you have not lived up to your expectations… do not brood over your performance. Since, actions carry more weight than words… drown your sorrows in alcohol… and move on to enjoying the next semester just as you have the old one….

The above guidelines are prone to scrutiny and subsequent blacklisting by angry faculty members, maddened parents and/or the dorks of your own class…. So please keep their existence a secret from any who would wish to harm it.

Pass on to anyone who you feel will be able to take advantage of them and learn to live….

Cheers!