Tonight...

Tonight confusion returns to me.

In great crashing waves that stifle and choke

With the briefest respite amid their onslaught

For me to wonder what is wrong.

Being calm and sure… my biggest traits

I don’t know where they have gone

All was well… but in one fine moment,

My composure slipped away

And unvoiced fears take hold of me

Tonight my restless thoughts keep me awake.

I can focus on nothing else

Unformed and inexplicable questions

Rack my tortured mind.

I remember when I was young,

Far less weathered by the winds of the world

Feeling this way before,

But this can’t be the same… I have grown

The ice in my veins… keeps me awake.

Tonight that old feeling creeps up again.

I toss and turn with inexplicable pain

Slowly clouding the edges of my reason,

While my unease festers and takes shape.

I can place a finger on what has caused this,

But it’s shameful… what I see

I have no right to feel this way,

The petty feelings of desire and attraction

I cannot harbor… again.

Tonight… my will is shattered

My sudden rage has shown me the truth

I am taken back to those quiet walks

As a fierce sense of possession made me burn

What path I need must follow now…

I honestly have no clue

I know the right step to take…

But am tempted by youth’s mistake

I fear that my dreams will again be shattered

Tonight… I am lost in despair.